If your 13 year old was dating behind your back?

MomZone · 08-16-2007, 05:54 PM

What would you do, if you had told your 13 year old they could not date at this age, and you discovered they were seeing someone behind your back?

gpjmommy · 08-16-2007, 06:34 PM

But, I'd take some time to chill out a little bit before I confronted her about it because when we are mad or

, we don't accomplish anything. In fact, it only

s the apple cart that much more.
I would then talk to her about the dangers of dating at such an early age, the hazards that are out there for girls her age & even those that are older than her. Also I would try to make her understand that I only want what is best for her and I definitely would not try to tell her things about "When I was your age" or "I wish someone had told me about..."; because that is when the eyeballs go to rolling & they think they are listening someone with Alzhiemers or something. Keep the tone one with a soft even keel and constantly reassure her of your love and confidence in her making the right choices. Also assure her that she can come to you about anything.
Forbid or no is like a dare to kids and they will do their darndest to do whatever it is that we forbid them not to do; so what I do with my son is that I tell him I would prefer that he will choose not do this or that; or perhaps I will remind him that he needs to keep in mind the choices he has when it comes time for him to do something.
Believe me, I am no expert, by a long shot. But I do have a special needs child and I've attended a lot of parenting classes AND if I can find some positive things that

with my son, they must be good.
Good luck.

lulu · 08-16-2007, 06:42 PM

we have a very open and honest relationship. My daughter knows that I will not let her go on "real" dates until she is 16 BUT...I did let her have a date for the 8th grade formal and her dad even drove the limo for her and eight of her

. I am very clear on what kind of behavior I expect. I explain the dangers of pre-marital sex and why they should wait. My daughter often tells me of the boys she likes and feels me out to see if I approve. My number one criteria? Is he nice to his mom? YEP. I am nuts.

However, if she did sneak behind my back and date a boy, I would suspend her priveledges of going anywhere without me until she could earn my trust back.

keeverman · 08-16-2007, 06:56 PM

If it were an innocent in school boyfriend/girlfriend thing we would discuss what's proper and what's not. If it was more than that we would be having a long discussion about not only what's proper but about many other things. Including the dreaded (you hope it doesn't happen to you) sex discussion, again, but with much more emphasis on how we feel about it and so on. We would also discuss how wrong it was for my child to hide it from me and in turn being dishonest. I would probably also put a stop to it. The "boyfriend" would be more than

to come to our house and hang out but that would be it.

lisalee61 · 08-16-2007, 07:03 PM

Well, first I would have a long mother to daughter talk with her. Then I would try to get together with the boy and his parents and explain to them why I don't want them seeing each other.

sneddy29 · 08-16-2007, 08:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MomZone

What would you do, if you had told your 13 year old they could not date at this age, and you discovered they were seeing someone behind your back?

This is a discussion we have already had in our family about various things and not just this issue. It is this, the punishment will ALWAYS be worse if the deed committed is hidden from us rather than revealed. This goes for lying, cheating and disobeying. Our daughter knows that if she tells us about something bad she has done there will still be consequences but if we find out some other way and not from her own lips, the consequences will be more severe. Further more if we found out she was dating at that age against our explicit instructions, she would be grounded, and watched very closely!!