What would you do if your child was going to marry someone that you felt was totally totally not right for him/her? Maybe you know of some things they have done that your child may not even be aware of. What would you do?
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lets see my experience with this is
My daughter has a boyfriend now, and they are engaged to be married July 6th 2007.
he was working , and holding his own, he moved in with her november 2006, and no longer works , I pulled her a side to express my concerns, and she ripped my head off, so I have learned to back off, and let her live her life. she has a daughter to raise, he is not the father, and my 8 yr old has come to me a few times telling me her mommy does not pay any attention to her anymore .
I was cursed at for speaking my mind .
Diane
lets see my experience with this is
My daughter has a boyfriend now, and they are engaged to be married July 6th 2007.
he was working , and holding his own, he moved in with her november 2006, and no longer works , I pulled her a side to express my concerns, and she ripped my head off, so I have learned to back off, and let her live her life. she has a daughter to raise, he is not the father, and my 8 yr old granddaughter has come to me a few times telling me her mommy does not pay any attention to her anymore .on her days off they use to do things together and now all her mom does on her days off is till 3 or 4 pm , and the little girl is in the other room playing or watching tv or on the phone with me. this is sad .
I was cursed at for speaking my mind .
Diane
On one hand if I told my child exactly what I think. I take the chance of alienating them from me completely.
But if I keep silent I risk seeing my child be hurt and possible divorce.
I think I sit my child down and explain that I think that they were not a good match. But if my child still felt the marriage was a good . Than I would support her and her marriage.
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Its's better to burn out,then to fade away.
About my child marrying someone I don't think is right
I would spend a day with my child and explain why I didn't feel that the match was not right. But, I would make it a point to let him/her know how much I love and support them. I would explain that I would always be here for him/her. I would be disappointed if they would go through with it, but it is their life, not mine. I wouldn't be over opinionated about the situation and risk the relationship. But, I would just hope and things go well.
Well in a way I have been there done that kind of. I married when I was 17 to a guy my parents didn't like. They knew what kind of person he was, my all knew and tried to tell me but it didn't . I married him anyhow and after 4 years of he** I got out of the marriage. So for me to sit with my son and tell him not to marry someone, no I wouldn't do that.
I think I would ask him if he is positive this is the person he wants to spend the rest of his life with, ask him if he found out later something about the girl he married that didn't him what would he do? I would not put the person down to him, nor would I tell him he is making a mistake. That is his life, he has to make his own decisions and if I raised him the right way and with the right way of thinking, he will think it through and decide on his own and hopefully make the right decision. If he makes the wrong one, well he has to deal with it his own way. I will let him know I am always here for him and will support his decision but it has to be his own decision.
Most times, the more we say to our kids to try and discourage them from something, only tends to draw them closer to it. As a parent its difficult to sit and watch and not speak up but they have to learn on their own. They have to make their own mistakes just like we did.
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Darlene
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Am there, doing that. Our second son is 22, his (speaking through gritted teeth) LOVELY girlfriend is 19. She doesn't work, doesn't , has talked our son OUT of going to college (because she sees education as a "waste of time"). She's pleasant enough, but she isn't much even of a housekeeper. They now live together, and she rarely cooks. She is even considering filing for disability so she doesn't HAVE to work! Funny thing is, she's NOT disabled!
We've talked to our son on several occasions, explaining our concerns, and he always insists that she is the girl he wants to eventually marry. We just hope beyond hope that he comes to his senses. It IS his life, as he reminds us. And (sigh) he's right.
Wow! That sounds like all my worst fears rolled up into one. My solution? Well, since my kids are only 13, 13, 11, and 10, I am pra ying RIGHT now for their future mates. I figure some advance pra ying that God will send them the one that is right for them is like insurance!
But...if it happened, I guess I would just continue to pr ay and always try to be there if they needed me. I figure if I told one of my girls I did not like someone, that would motivate them to stay all the more. YIKES...what a sticky situation.
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To know, firsthand, that nothing good ever comes of a cowardly act is to find the courage to say --- and to do --- what needs to be done in the moment, in spite of one's imagined fears about the outcome. ---Guy Finley
I have experience with that on both sides of the spectrum. My daughter not Tiffy my oldest has had her share of bad relationships. I never say anything I keep my mouth shut but, I do keep the door open in case she wants some advice. It works great, so far so good she confides in me I never tell her I told you so because, I never did. I give my suggestions and go on my merry way. So far that, has kept our relationship great. When people are in love they never see the person the way we see them.
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tiffysmom
Domestic Goddess.
I know that God won't give me anything I can't handle.
I just wish he didn't trust me so much. Mother Teresa
Tiffysmom, I will agree with your way , I have learned my lesson here with my daughter, the man is not doing her any good, however I said what I said and will let her be , to find out for herself, I ahve told both my children I am here for them no matter what happens
it may bother me a heck of alot, things going on with them, but who am I really to judge ?
Diane
This happened to me. First I was in an abusive situation with my mom so my boyfriend (now husband of 13 1/2 year, together 18) wasn't happy and let it show. Though he never actually did anything he wasn't very nice either. My dad not taking the time to one protect me or two get to know my boyfriend told me not the spend the rest of my life with him. LOL I really listened didn't I. LOL But it wasn't a mistake, I can say that. Anyway, I think I would first take some time to get to know the boy better. Invite him over as much as possible and make sure what I know, or think I know is factual. If it is I would discuss these things with him first and find out his side. I would also probably have dh run a background check. If that comes out negative he would be gone no questions asked but if it doesn't then we would supervise the dates, etc and see how things go. Because it was done to me, I would never want to to any conclusions without proof first. To this day my family still won't accept my husband and it has caused a lot of heartache and issues. I don't want to see that happen with my girls.
it would depend on my child's age - i would keep communication open with my child and let it be known that i did not approve of their choice but it did not make me love my child any less.
i would try to be polite to their chosen spouse but i would not be hypocritical and pretend i approved of the marriage
I would keep my concerns to myself and commit them into the Lord's hands. After all, our children are only on loan to us. Besides this, we all made our own choice of who we were going to marry and I'm sure our parents had many a reason why we shouldn't. You just have to support them as much as you can and even more.
When I was younger 2nd grad I was a slow learner
Back then they did not under stand this as much as they do now.
My 2snd grad teacher use to call me dump all the time in front of the whole
Class! One day my sister how was 2 grades a head of me came to pick me up at my class
The teacher had me stay after class she heard the teacher calling me lots of names
And hitting me (Back then school could do this) She ran home and got my mom.
We lived 2 blocks from the school. My mom run in the class and well lets just say
I don’t think there is much we can do but sit back and hope for the best! Be here for them
When it ends. I know I am going though this now!
My 18 year old has another year of high school her boyfriend has been out for 2 years now almost 21
Years old she has been with him cent 9th grade he a nice boy but doesn’t want to work. We have tried
To tell her why she should make him work she told us it was not our business we tried telling her
Why it was! Well guess what she having his baby next month! He still does not have a job or even trying to get one he did work for a day and a ½ before he quit. And hasn’t bother to find another. Even after he seen her caring his baby and going to work her self all summer long. She doesn’t seam to care that not she not working they have no money but hay how need money for a baby! Anyway they want to get married
I have tried telling her how she is going to marry him with no money.
No he is out with another girl he says is just a friend but she is not aloud out with them or to even meet
This girl he tells her he should have a right to time with anyone he wants! He even is meeting girls off the internet. But still she wants to marry him. It seamed the hared I tried to tell her why not to the more
She wants to. I think she wants to prove me wrong. So as hard as it is I am trying hard to back off
And just hope that when the baby gets here she will hold her and know she has to care for the baby and do what right for the baby and leave him or make him work and give up other girls.
If she does marry him I have told her she must first have there own home (she can life at his families home they said no) and she can not live her with him! So maybe the faxed they have no ware to stay will
Stop them!
Good luck all we can do is not make it easy on them but also just be here for them when they learn lifes hard lessons.
Jenny
Cool Candle http://www.candle.net
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Fears....
till 3 or 4 pm , and the little girl is in the other room playing or watching tv or on the phone with me. this is sad .
. Than I would support her and her marriage..gif "groovy")
things go well.
all knew and tried to tell me but it didn't 
. I married him anyhow and after 4 years of he** I got out of the marriage. So for me to sit with my son and tell him not to marry someone, no I wouldn't do that.
him what would he do? I would not put the person down to him, nor would I tell him he is making a mistake. That is his life, he has to make his own decisions and if I raised him the right way and with the right way of thinking, he will think it through and decide on his own and hopefully make the right decision. If he makes the wrong one, well he has to deal with it his own way. I will let him know I am always here for him and will support his decision but it has to be his own decision.
, has talked our son OUT of going to college (because she sees education as a "waste of time"). She's pleasant enough, but she isn't much even of a housekeeper. They now live together, and she rarely cooks. She is even considering filing for disability so she doesn't HAVE to work! Funny thing is, she's NOT disabled!
to any conclusions without proof first. To this day my family still won't accept my husband and it has caused a lot of heartache and issues. I don't want to see that happen with my girls.
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