When they are an adult but not really

01-12-2004, 07:36 PM

I have a 22 year old son who suffered a hemorrhage in his brain at age nine from an AVM (arteriovenous malformation.) He had been living with his father in Alaska for many years until 2001. He came to live here and as much as I love him, I don't know what to do with him. He refuses to work in a sheltered environment, but has been fired from two jobs here and quit the others. He has one hand that doesn't work at all. He has brain damge from the AVM and surgery. He won't live in an independent living apartment or group home. He hangs out with the worst people who take money from him and heaven knows what else they are doing. I am at wits end. I love him very much, but I have terrible

s from worrying and it makes my high blood pressure even higher. He takes off, not letting me know where he is going and who he is with until he gets home and I am fussing st him. He tells me he is an adult, but he isn't mentally and emotionally. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated
Thanks,

DeeDee · 01-12-2004, 09:10 PM

Gosh, Linda I wish I had some magic words to say to you but I dont'. I have no

what you can do in this situation. It must be very difficult on you.
I will keep you in my

ers that things will change and start going better for you both.

DeeDee

01-13-2004, 05:01 PM

Thanks, Dee Dee. He went out looking for work again today, but then took off to a firend's house. I hate the thought of having to contact the state for

. I have been on the internet searching to find something appropriate for him. The trick will be to get him to agree he needs it. I hate seeing him hurt and

ed at when he tries to make it out there without

. I don't know how he keeps going. I know he is a much better person than I will ever be because he just picks himself up and is still able to smile. Don't know if I could do it.
Anyway, thansk for the thoughts and

ers.

DeeDee · 01-13-2004, 09:16 PM

HI Linda
Maybe your son just needs to find some kind of work that he could really enjoy doing. Maybe that is what is wrong, if it was something that would hold his interest and that he was really interested in, he may do better at it and stick with it.

It is good that he can pick himself up and smile about things.

I hope things work out and he finds something soon that will be good for him.

DeeDee

01-14-2004, 06:48 PM

The reason that I am anxious about him working is because he really lets himself go when he is at home all day. He talks in many chat rooms and I worry about that. But he is continuing to look. When he is ot job searching, I find giving him a couple of specific chores with few steps

s to occupy him.
Thanks so much for your

s.

DeeDee · 01-14-2004, 10:08 PM

HI Linda
Can you find some way to monitor his chat time on the computer maybe? I guess he would be a little on guard about that though. He would know what you were up to. Might not be such a great

afterall.

Giving him some small chores to do will keep him busy and make him feel like he is doing something for you too.

I will keep

ing that the right job for him turns up soon.

DeeDee

01-15-2004, 02:41 PM

Thanks Dee Dee, I really appreciate the

ers. The older I get it seems the more I worry about how the world will treat him when I am not there. I try to keep him moving towards programs that can provide services for him, but he doesn't want any part of it. He tries so hard to "fit in."

I guess I just need encouragement now and then to just keep trying.

Thanks!

DeeDee · 01-15-2004, 08:01 PM

You can come in anytime for the encouragement you need. If I cant' offer anything but my

ers then I hope that I can

you out by listening anyhow and offering what encouragement I can. Good luck. We are always here for you.

DeeDee

HSGretch · 01-16-2004, 07:38 PM

Oh Linda! I feel for you. My youngest son has CP and is labeled MR. I HATE it when other people look at him and I just know the cruel world will treat him harshly. It angers me to hear people take advantage of him and take his money. His desperate need to fit in has probably led to this. People can be so cruel.
I see his injury happened at age 9. How old is he mentally now? Do you Know? Can you tell? I can't imagine being a normal 9 year old one day and then having my whole world turned upside down. I know the parent side of things, but not the childs side.
Do you feel he is in danger? Do you need to be made legal guardian and get

from the state? I know as a child, the

is plentiful, but the adult

is not very.
I don't know if I'm being

ful. I just know I read this and my heart went out to you both. How about programs at the YMCA? Is there anyone, anywhere (Church, Boys Club...) who would take him under wing to mentor? I will be

ing for you. Please, keep coming for

and encouragement. I'll

as much as I can.

Be blessed!

01-17-2004, 09:22 PM

Thank you so much for your

ers and encouragement!
As to how old my son ismentally and emotionally, my guess is somewhere between twelve and fifteen. The process of going to the state will be difficult I am sure. He is high enough functioning that he can talk good talk if you know what I mean. I took him to Arkansas Rehabilitation Services. He convinced them he could find and keep jobs on his own and they did nothing else. Even though they tested him and found he reads okay (but not enough to understand caution statements on products.) His math ability was at first grade level. I have worked with mentally retarded adults and children as well as in social services. I already knew the systems were not exactly "user friendly." It is even more diffiuclt when it is your own child because emotions of a mother can really get in the way.
I am going to keep searching for something that will work for him, maybe I can find out if there is anyone who will be

ful at the local Welfare Dept.

Thanks again ladies for listening and even more so for

ing.