Siblings Moving In

summertime · 03-23-2004, 02:13 PM

Just wondering if anyone has every had a sibling move in with them. My little sister is living with my father and our wicked step-mother(yes, this title is very warranted). They seem determined to make her leave and have suggested that she move in with me or my brother and his wife. My husband and I have discussed it and we feel that having a teenager to raise as well as a little one, would be too much for us to handle right now.

I got a desperate phone call from her a week and a half ago saying that she had been told that she needed to find a place to spend Spring Break "or else". So we drove the 2 hours round trip to pick her up and she stayed here for the week. She was a big

and we miss her, but I still don't think that it is fair that my dad is trying to shirk his responsibility as a parent. It is obvious that his new wife has it in for my sister and that colours everything that my dad does now. My sister can't seem to do anything right. I am sure she is not perfect, but she is constantly being berated for the smallest things. I don't care how "bad" a child is, they shouldn't have to put up with constant criticism.

She has one more year of high school and then she plans on going to school very far away from them.

Any thoughts?

Polly · 03-24-2004, 01:33 AM

Wow Summertime, that is a tough one. I understand your concerns about having a teenager in the house and yet being torn about what your sister is going through. I hope someone can

her because it sounds like she needs it if she is being treated so badly at home. I wish I could give you some good sound advice but I've never been in that situation and you have alot to consider. I will say a

er for you and I wish you luck with your situation. Hopefully someone else will be able to

you with this. But I am here to listen if you just want to talk things through, rant and rave or whatever. Good luck.

becky · 03-24-2004, 05:01 AM

Summertime,

Is there any way to talk to your dad alone and find out why he has all of a sudden turned on your sister? I realize it is because of the stepmother, but maybe get something in his own words. Maybe if he really had to try and explain, he'd realize he's wrong.

Or maybe try and talk to the stepmother alone too and see why she is so against your sister.

One year isn't so very long of a time and it would be awful for your sister to move now and leave all her

and also start a new school right before graduation.

I'll be

ing for you and your family.....and remember to come in here and talk to us. Someone is always around to listen and

.

summertime · 03-24-2004, 09:48 AM

It was nice to see that I had some replies.

Essentially my dad and his wife are what I would term "toxic" people. Just being around them causes stress for not just my sister but the rest of my family. All of us have on many occasions, tried to have heart to hearts with them, but the conversations turn into brutal personal attacks. Case in point: Last Thanksgiving, I was struggling with looking after my son because of some lingering health problems and my husband was working 2 jobs. An inquiry went out from them about plans for Thanksgiving. I knew it was a trap, but I told them that I would not be able to handle having everyone over and I didn't think that it would be convenient for everyone to travel to my home as I was the furtherest away, whereas their home is in a central location.

In return, all heck broke loose. We were told that we were contributing to wrecking to their marriage because we had never had my sister, and my brother, who also boards there(he pays rent) over since they got married. (Not true). And that we were not welcome in their home because we never assisted with anything including the renovation on their basement. (?) And she said that she was sick and tired of having all of Scott's children (my father) over because it was too much stress on her. (Meanwhile they host dinner parties all the time with more people than are in our family). She also said that they had never been invited over to our home. Among other completely slanted complaints.

In my defense we had invited them over many times and they said that they were too busy. They have only made time to see my son 3 times since he was born-he is 10 months old. And they only have all over us over maybe 2 times a year. Most parents and grandparents I know would love to see their children more oftern. And then they refused to take any phone calls from me for several months.

When we went to pick up my sister they said that Easter celebrations were going to be at their house this year. Go figure.

Well, my son is having a fussy day, so I should go. Thanks for letting me vent.

Bellingsworth · 03-24-2004, 05:00 PM

Summertime,
Seems to me that daddy and step mom need to GROW UP!!!! I'm so

you are being torn between them and your sister. And torn by them in other ways but your sister is probably the most emotional part to deal with as I'm sure you feel the need to

her but also know that it would be an added stress on your life and marridge. As it would be. It is defiently something that you and your husband would have to agree on. What does your sister think? Has she asked you to let her move in or is it just the "parents" who want it. Do you mind me asking where your mom is? If you were to decide to let your sister live with you I would definetly make your dad pay you child support as teenagers are not cheap financially either. With the Spring break thing, What was the or else? They can't kick her out if she isn't 18 so what did they plan on doing. And it's not your job to keep your sister and brother for them to have them out of the house. THey are not your children. Why do they expect you to take care of there kids if they don't even see yours?

summertime · 03-26-2004, 09:10 AM

My mom, like most wives, got the short end of the stick when their divorce was finalized. She has serious mental illness problems, so just looking after herself is a challenge. She has so many ups and downs that she is not able to hold down a regular job.

My sister hasn't asked out right to move here, but she has mentioned on several occasions that they think that she should move in with other members of her family. My stepmother has also told us that our siblings are our responsibility. She cites the scriptural phrase "brother's keeper." To make a long story short, in the after math of my parent's divorce my other siblings and I came to the rescue of my siblings that were still at home on many occasions when my mom was having problems. I also essentially raised my sister in the void created by a travelling salesman father and a mentally ill mother. I even took her to buy her first bra and when she got her period for the first time, she wrote me at college asking me what to do--I was 2000 miles away! I feel like I have done my share and it is time my dad did his share.

I think another area of conflict is the fact that my sister is living the Christian life that they are not. She doesn't drink, smoke and she has the most upstanding moral character of anyone I know. So it is even more infuriating that they pick on her so much for being who she is. She even has a part time job which she has to use to pay for things that you would expect parents to pay for.

I am not sure what the "or else" entailed this time. But they are pretty rash sometimes. As well as paying rent, my brother is

ing to renovate their basement. My stepmother told him that if he didn't finish it fast enough, one day he was going to come home and all of his stuff would be out in the garage. My brother is in the army reserves. He works 5 days a week, and spends Friday night through Sunday at training. ( so their claims about no time alone is pretty silly because he is gone a lot and my sister is gone for school and her part time job, which she often works on weekends, when they are not working).

Anyway this is the soap opera of my life. We are hoping that maybe things will calm down a bit now that she has had a time away. Easter should be interesting.