- If it's all the same to you I won't be coming to work. The
voices told me to clean all the guns today.
- When I got up this I took two Ex-Lax in addition
to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good
about it.
- I set half the clocks in my house ahead an hour and the
other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some
kind of space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up
until the explosion). I was able to exit the loop only by
reversing the polarity of the power source exactly e*log(pi)
clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on
the snout with a rolled up Times. Accordingly, I will be in
late, or early.
- My stigmata's acting up.
- I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my
previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. Ok?
- I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile leprosy, but I know
we have that deadline to meet...
- I am stuck in the blood pressure machine down at the Wal-Mart
- Yes, I seem to have contracted some attention-deficit
disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be
able to, yes, could I you? No, no, I'll be sticking with
AT&T, but for calling.
- Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.
- I just found out that I was switched at birth. Legally, I
shouldn't come in to work knowing my employee records may now
contain false information.
- The psychiatrist said it was an excellent session. He even
gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am
startled.
- The dog ate my car keys. We're going to hitchhike to the vet.
- I prefer to remain an enigma.
- My mother-in-law has come back as one of the undead and
we must track her to her coffin to a stake through her
heart and give her eternal peace. One day should do it.
- I can't come to work today because the EPA has determined
that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have
to arrange for helicopter transportation.
- I am converting my calendar from Julian to Gregorian.
- I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the interest rates.
- My wife makes more money than I do, so I have to stay at
home with our son.
- I refuse to travel to my job in the District until there
is a commuter tax. I insist on paying my fair share.
- I'm feeling a little disgruntled this . You sure I
should come in?
from a Washington Post Contest:
__________________
Don't borrow sorrow from tomorrow!
LULU!!!
Those crack me up!!
Let me see what I can fit to work here at home...the constipation one...although Spencer would probably come up with some invention for me!!
Thanks for the my !!
Best Reasons for not coming to work
I took two Ex-Lax in addition 
you? No, no, I'll be sticking with 
for calling. 
a stake through her 
son. 
my 
!!
Marilyn
Linear Mode
