A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
to have her baby
in
the cab!"
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress,
and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I
noticed that there were
several cabs, and I was in the wrong one.
Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed.
"Yes, they used to be," remorsefully replied the
patient.
Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
* * * * * * * * * * * *
One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her
husband had died of a m***ive myocardial infarct. Not
more than five
minutes later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family that he had died of a
"m***ive internal
fart."
Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
* * * * * * * * * * *
I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity
test.
I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and
began, "Cover your
right eye with your hand."
He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left."
Again, a flawless
read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He
couldn't even read
the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
that he had done
exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with
both his eyes
covered. I was
ing too hard to finish the exam.
Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his
cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was
having trouble
with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked.
"The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and
now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him
quickly undress and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man
had over fifty
patches on his body! Now the instructions include
removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.
Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How
long
have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion she
answered ... "Why, not for about twenty years -- when
my husband was
alive."
Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
* * * * * * * * * * *
I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
"So, how's your
breakfast this
?"
"It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I
can't seem to get
used
to the taste," the patient replied. I then asked to
see the jelly and
the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."
Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
* * * * * * * * * * * * *
And Finally . . . . .
A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was
quite embarr***ed performing female pelvic exams. To
cover his
embarr***ment he had unconsciously formed a habit of
whistling softly.
The middle aged lady upon whom he was performing this
exam suddenly
burst out
ing and further embarr***ed him. He
looked up from his
work and sheepishly said, "I'm
. Was I tickling
you?" She
replied,
"No doctor, but the song you were whistling was 'I
wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener'."
My DH thinks I am nuts!!! Those were great! I have been .gif "groovy")
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